--- EXAMPLE 4
"Love the hook.
Not sure what you mean by this sentence. Consider re-wording."
"These shadowing stories are great but say a limited amount about you. Do you have any experiences where you interacted with patients directly?
The goal is to portray experiences that show you have the capacity and characteristics to make a great PA, rather than just state you have these qualities."
"Share some of these stories and patient interactions.
Think about the interactions you've had that impacted you. They may seem not important, but write them down anyway - I would have at least one direct patient-care experience in your statement."
"Give a specific example."
"Good ending paragraph but add-in, in the beginning, or the paragraph before a story about a direct patient-care interaction that stays with the reader when they put your essay back in the pile with the hundred other applicants."
--- EXAMPLE 5